He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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