Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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