so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
