just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Two words: nipple clamps
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