She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
