Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
