Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize