It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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