I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize