I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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