ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
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You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
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Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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