I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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