someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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