There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
