I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize