shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
now i know why i became what i already was.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
