He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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