..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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