I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
