Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
