So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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