look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
