By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
