No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
this hospital has no fireball
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My Sexting was not on an AP level