How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
