i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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