I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
