I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The air was thick with penises
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
