and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
