I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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