Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
