I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
