In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
