i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
