u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
