why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
