I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
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I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
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WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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