mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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