I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
