Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Pooping to opera.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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