Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
it was like eating out sand paper
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
