Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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