All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize