is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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