had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
