I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You've changed since you got that strap on
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
