I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.