I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
