Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.