I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey