sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.