dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she smelled like a LAN party
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.