we're chasing vodka with high fives
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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