They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
