non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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