WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
