I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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