the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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