He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
