Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
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I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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