She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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