I puked a lego.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
