i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i love accidental penises.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
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She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
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It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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