i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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